Have 5 and 4 Yr Old Pregnant With Third Baby
We were at a family gathering when I overheard an older relative say in a contemplative phonation that no more babies would be coming along in our extended family. I had to suppress a smile, and a cloak-and-dagger. Nobody had asked my hubby or me if we were done having children. But it was a reasonable assumption to brand: We had two kids spaced exactly iii years apart: a boy in third grade, and a girl in kindergarten. They each had their own room in our modest iii-bedchamber home, and they fit perfectly in the back seat of our midsize car.
The only thing is, I didn't feel done having children, unlike friends who did. Content that their families were complete, they were ready to dismantle cribs, drop off numberless of tiny clothes at donation centers, and share stories nearly their husbands' vasectomies. (Scheduling the procedure during March Madness, when basketball's a happy distraction from an water ice pack, is the mode to go, they agreed.) I envied these moms' certainty, while I quietly hemmed and hawed about having some other.
If annihilation, I had plenty of reasons not to have a 3rd kid. I was just getting back into a more than predictable groove with work. Our resources—financial, time, everything—were limited. My husband and I were sleeping again! I'd had two adequately piece of cake pregnancies, and a good for you son and girl. Information technology seemed a little crazy and greedy, almost, to tempt fate and try for a third.
Likewise, I was over 40. There were medical risks, for a pregnancy and for me, to take into account. I admit I was vulnerable to occasional vain thoughts, also, like: Do I actually desire to be the "quondam mom" at preschool? And wait, how old volition my husband and I be, exactly, when this imaginary tertiary kid graduates from high school? (On 2nd thought, let's not become there.)
Finally, what would the two children we already had call up most bringing a new infant into the mix? Was this actually fair to them? And would they e'er feel close to a much-younger sibling, or was that unrealistic to hope for, with then many years between them? In that location are wellness and safety concerns for mom and babe to take into business relationship when closely spacing pregnancies, and some debate about what age spread is best if you want, say, children with ameliorate reading and math scores. (Groan.) But were there any drawbacks to intentionally having children many years autonomously?
When I confided in a good friend who has ii kids the same ages every bit my own that we were considering trying for one more, she didn't empathize. I was and then shut, she said, to being able to do all the things nosotros moms had to put on water ice during our years raising small children, similar eating at squeamish restaurants and traveling with some liberty. We were on the cusp of having both kids in elementary schoolhouse for a total day, which, whether y'all work or don't, eases life in a number of ways: It's more fourth dimension, or at least the illusion of more than time (amazing how rapidly the day goes!) to pursue all those projects yous've been putting off for years or, to potentially minimize crushing childcare costs. My friend wasn't criticizing as much as challenging me to consider my desires more deeply: "Why would y'all want to kickoff over now?"
I can't sufficiently explicate the desire for a third, probably no more than any parent can fairly explain her reasons for deciding to raise some other human being to someone who's committed to remaining childfree. But my mind drifted to when my big two were small, to the feel of their soft, small hands on my face up, and to their squeals of delight while being pushed in a baby swing. More than these sentimental yearnings, though, it simply felt like someone was missing. As another friend said to me, "If you're yet talking virtually having some other, you're probably non done." I realized I might wonder "what if" forever if I didn't get a move on, and since my husband and I were on the aforementioned page—I couldn't have proceeded otherwise—we held our breath and leapt.
I was lucky. I got significant. Interestingly, I was less tired while pregnant with my 3rd than I had been with my second, even with more years on my torso and an actress child at my side. But different with my second pregnancy, when I had a 3-year-old to manage, my kids were now ix and 6. They were more than self-sufficient, and we were all sleeping meliorate than we had in years—I felt great. Friends with a big age gap between kids told me the older ones would assist, to an extent, with the baby, and they did. Later on our infant, a daughter, was born, I could inquire one of my big two to run upstairs to fetch the diaper cream. Now that our third baby is 3, they entertain her, a lot, and make for patient playmates. I've vowed non to take as well much advantage of my congenital-in big helpers, and at the advice of a friend who's a mother of five, ranging widely in age from college down to simple school age, I'g making more of an effort to spend some dissever quality time with only the large kids, and non let the natural neediness of the family baby take away besides much fourth dimension from them.
Our youngest adds so much to our family. My eye child, also a girl, treasures having a sister—most of the time anyway, when our youngest isn't getting into her large sis's stuff. The forcefulness of their sibling bond is undiminished past the six years that split them. While I was pregnant, this one final time, I so appreciated the occasional annotate supportive of large sibling gaps, like this one, "My sister and I are nine years apart. We weren't shut growing up, but now she is my dearest friend."
Our oldest relishes his part as the much-bigger brother. Information technology tickles me to see our 3-twelvemonth-old pad around later him in her feety pajamas, doing whatsoever he does, which at age 12, involves a lot of adolescent-boy humor. I'k halfheartedly hoping she doesn't introduce her preschool classmates to the song they've made up together, "Choice your nose! Pick your nose!" The fighting is certainly less, too, between our 3rd and her older siblings. They're but non clamoring for the same things kids closer in historic period naturally do. Not surprisingly, our third is much more independent than her brother and sister were at iii. At dinnertime, if she'southward missing a fork, she hops off her chair, opens the kitchen drawer, and gets information technology. She knows with a busy, distracted family unit, some things are easier washed if you do them yourself.
Of form, one last thing I observe about having a tertiary "caboose" baby well after the offset two: I indulged in a fair number of fantasies of getting it "right" this time, now that I was older and supposedly wiser—only to exist brought back downward to reality. This child volition eat her vegetables! (That is, until her older siblings introduce her to potato chips.) This kid will not fall off the bed. (All three take rolled to the flooring, I'm afraid to say.) Then in that location were humbling surprises. In spite of whatever experience and confidence I thought I had in my corner from having nursed two children, my third kid was the hardest to breastfeed. Every child is unique. Every child has her own story. With the addition of a third, and all that she brings into the fold, our family at last feels complete.
And no matter the number of children that's right for anyone'southward family, whether i or a dozen, aren't we so lucky to have them?
Gail O'Connor is a senior editor at Parents and mother of three. You lot can follow her on Twitter @gailwrites.
Have 5 and 4 Yr Old Pregnant With Third Baby
Source: https://www.parents.com/parents-magazine/parents-perspective/making-the-leap-to-having-a-third-baby-years-after-the-first/